Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing. Between 5, it's fantastic.
- Woody Allen

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.
- Woody Allen

She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.
- Woody Allen

Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle.
- Woody Allen

Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him "be fruitful and multiply". But not in those words.
- Woody Allen

Some men are heterosexual, and some men are homosexual, and some men don't think about sex at all. They become lawyers.
- Woody Allen

That [sex] was the most fun I ever had without laughing.
- Woody Allen

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.
- Woody Allen

The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those who have bothered to shave. Also thereis the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held.
- Woody Allen

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
- Woody Allen