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var txtList = new Array()
txtList[txtList.length]="If Jesus Christ came back today and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said 'no'.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="I am at two with nature.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes.  It involves Russia.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil.  But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="I'm not the heroic type. I was beaten up by quakers.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="It's not that I'm afraid to die.  I just don't want to be there when it happens.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="On bisexuality: It immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing. Between 5, it's fantastic.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him 'be fruitful and multiply'. But not in those words.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="Some men are heterosexual, and some men are homosexual, and some men don't think about sex at all. They become lawyers.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="There are worse things in life than death.  Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they rent out my room.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="Child molestation is a touchy subject....Read the papers! Half the country's doing it!<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="Don't think of death as an ending.  Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="Early in life, I was visited by the bluebird of anxiety.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="Eighty percent of success is showing up.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="Eternity is really long, especially near the end.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce.  We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="I asked the girl if she could bring a sister for me. She did. Sister Maria Teresa. It was a very slow evening. We discussed the New Testament. We agreed that He was very well adjusted for an only child.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="I failed to make the chess team because of my height.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="I had a rough marriage…it was partially my fault that we got a divorce. I had a lousy attitude towards her. For the first year of our marriage, I tended to pace my wife underneath a pedestal all the time. We used to argue and fight and finally we decided we should either take a vacation of get a divorce. We discussed it very maturely and we decided on the divorce because we felt we had a limited amount of money to spend. A vacation in Bermuda is over in two weeks but a divorce is something that you always have.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="I recently turned sixty. Practically a third of my life is over.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="I sold the memoirs of my sex life to a publisher - they are going to make a board game out of it.<br> - Woody Allen"

//************ daily **********
d=new Date(),oneDay=60*60*24*1000;
j=(parseInt(d.getTime()/oneDay))%txtList.length;
j=(isNaN(j))?0:j;
document.write(txtList[j]);
//************ End of daily **********
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